NOT FIT FOR HUMAN INTERRACTION

About a week ago i was meeting a friend i hadn't seen for quite sometime. So me being me, I couldn't quite get out of bed on time. You see I'm not a morning person, so if i don't have to go to work nothing short of a house fire will get me out of bed before 11 am. Its a physical impossibility. When going to work i set my alarm for half 8 which gives me enough time for at least a fag and a half before i stumble out of bed and into the kitchen to put the kettle on for a cup of tea. Then another fag with my cuppa while my brain jump starts. Then, and only then do i consider myself half human.

Problem is i was meeting her at half 12. She had all these crazy ideas about doing an early lunch, then off to fuck knows where for window shopping. Apparently she's redecorating her pad and I'm supposed to care. Why? I haven't the foggiest. Anyway I'd been putting it off for so long that had to grab the bull by the horns.

As you can imagine was already stroppy from lack of my non routine on my day off work, no breakfast, not enough nicotine (smoking ban) so cant just be smoking ovyo ovyo. So get to her end and call her from the station so she can pick me up. As I'm standing with a half glazed looked in my eyes i notice a man across the road holding a camera pointing it in my general direction. Then i see a light flash.......................

Look around me and there's nobody else about. Its below freezing so nobody is wandering around passing the time of day. I calmly cross the road to confront the dude. At this moment in time i don't care if its whatshisname Mike Tyson, i want my pound of flesh and maybe an explanation later if he's lucky. I have at this point meta-morphed into Mohammed Ali in his heydays. I am floating like a butterfly and by the time i get to the other side I'm definitely stinging like a bee.

Well that was the general idea, but half way i loose my nerve and start questioning my sanity. Maybe I'm whathisname Tyson and he's Ali and that's not going to be a pretty picture, for me anyway. So feigning calmness and general British politeness i quietly ask if he's just taken a picture of me. He gives me a blank look to which i explain i was standing across the road and blah blah blah.

The guy cracks up and explains he's from some sort of department with the southeast trains and he was taking a picture of the train station which is due for refurbishments or some shit like that and proceeds to show me his badge. This is when i notice the company van and uniform he's wearing. After that, all i remember is the embarrassment i felt and trying to laugh it off saying there are so many perverts about these days and that one can never be too careful. Then slowly slink off to wait for my pal whom i never said a word to about it.