no thank you - not for me

I had what some would call a very interesting weekend away, but i would prefer to call it odd.

Thing is i used to live in a small town when i first came to UK and this just served to remind me why i prefer the anonymity of a big town. For one you can get lost in the crowd and nobody gives a toss about you other than if you hold up the queue at the local supermarket at rush hour. That's when you get glares that could fall the titanic in nanoseconds.

In a small town, especially if you're just visiting, you get strange looks from the women as they size you up and then criticise (overheard) then they proceed to analyse if you're friend or foe. The men give you the once over as they contemplate their chances with the new bait in town. All this is done before any kind of "formal" introductions are made. I avoided this like the plague and if i couldn't, i would say my hellos then proceed to be fascinated by the wallpaper. Hence coming across as cold and uninviting. Mission accomplished(yippee).

That said you do have the odd comedian who manages to have you on the floor, cracking a rib with laughter.

He sold his shamba for bride price to my father, i birthed his daughter, we left for Kenya where he loved me for eternity like i'd never been loved before. Shame the man couldn't stay upright long enough to fulfill his promises. He had over-indulged in the jeremiah waters (thoroughly intoxicated).

ME, WARTS AND ALL

Got the heading for my post then went blank.................. aiiiiiiii this is not fun. Aki val i'm not sure if im loving you right now. Anyway here goes nothing:

The rules
Link to the person who tagged you .
Post the rules on your blog.
Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
Tag six random people at the end of your blog by linking to their blogs.
Let each random person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

My and my hair don't really care for each other that much. It's a love/hate relationship. More love from me, but don't listen sweetie i'm only telling them what they want to hear. You know i love you really.

I'll prostitute myself to anyone as long as they cook for me. I hate anything that has to do with the kitchen - cooking, washing up, etc

I'm a bit OCD. Nothing serious, but if i was to have mental breakdown that would be it.

I'm a bottom presser, toothpaste i.e. Can't bear it when someone presses my toothpaste at the bottom or middle. Drives me insane. But i feel gleefully naughty when staying over at someone's and i middle press. Go figure.

I'm not good at keeping in touch with people. If i don't see you for more than 2 month, then don't be expecting me to call you. I don't seem to have a valid reason for not calling other than i don't have anything to talk about. I abhor small talk.

I'm one of those annoying know-it-alls. A jack of all trades but a master of none. I always seem to have an opinion about something or nothing. I'm hardly ever wrong, atleast in my opinion.

I'm not a people person. Seriously, i don't like people especially strangers who want to make small talk. If it wasn't for my best friend i wouldn't have people i know.

Ok that was 7, but who's counting.
Whom to tag is the big 'un
antipop
tandra
sybella
cherie
MrB2B
~beth

don't mess with me

I dare you to laugh.

NOT FIT FOR HUMAN INTERRACTION

About a week ago i was meeting a friend i hadn't seen for quite sometime. So me being me, I couldn't quite get out of bed on time. You see I'm not a morning person, so if i don't have to go to work nothing short of a house fire will get me out of bed before 11 am. Its a physical impossibility. When going to work i set my alarm for half 8 which gives me enough time for at least a fag and a half before i stumble out of bed and into the kitchen to put the kettle on for a cup of tea. Then another fag with my cuppa while my brain jump starts. Then, and only then do i consider myself half human.

Problem is i was meeting her at half 12. She had all these crazy ideas about doing an early lunch, then off to fuck knows where for window shopping. Apparently she's redecorating her pad and I'm supposed to care. Why? I haven't the foggiest. Anyway I'd been putting it off for so long that had to grab the bull by the horns.

As you can imagine was already stroppy from lack of my non routine on my day off work, no breakfast, not enough nicotine (smoking ban) so cant just be smoking ovyo ovyo. So get to her end and call her from the station so she can pick me up. As I'm standing with a half glazed looked in my eyes i notice a man across the road holding a camera pointing it in my general direction. Then i see a light flash.......................

Look around me and there's nobody else about. Its below freezing so nobody is wandering around passing the time of day. I calmly cross the road to confront the dude. At this moment in time i don't care if its whatshisname Mike Tyson, i want my pound of flesh and maybe an explanation later if he's lucky. I have at this point meta-morphed into Mohammed Ali in his heydays. I am floating like a butterfly and by the time i get to the other side I'm definitely stinging like a bee.

Well that was the general idea, but half way i loose my nerve and start questioning my sanity. Maybe I'm whathisname Tyson and he's Ali and that's not going to be a pretty picture, for me anyway. So feigning calmness and general British politeness i quietly ask if he's just taken a picture of me. He gives me a blank look to which i explain i was standing across the road and blah blah blah.

The guy cracks up and explains he's from some sort of department with the southeast trains and he was taking a picture of the train station which is due for refurbishments or some shit like that and proceeds to show me his badge. This is when i notice the company van and uniform he's wearing. After that, all i remember is the embarrassment i felt and trying to laugh it off saying there are so many perverts about these days and that one can never be too careful. Then slowly slink off to wait for my pal whom i never said a word to about it.

CAN'T LIVE WITH THEM CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT THEM

As i'm sure you've noticed i've changed my layout. I think this one is much better than the previous one which looked cluttered and messy and the writing is much more legible now.

With time im sure i'll get bored with this one but not for a long while (i hope). Sometimes i tend to have the attention span of a housefly - that is one of my downfalls plus the tendency to speak before i think.

I'm sure i've been hurtful to some dear friends. There was no ill will intended, thank you for your continued patience and may God grant you continued patience to put up with me now and into infinity. For if you still want me for a friend after a few years then i'll be in your life for a long time to come. lol. I can see the grimace on your face. That's right i ain't going nowhere so deal with it. So brace yourself, buckle up and enjoy the ride because its bound to be a bit bumpy.

There'll be tears, laughter, the odd disagreement, children, lovers come and gone, heartbreaks, food (you cooking for me i.e), alcohol aplenty, that new joint we'll discover together, alot of eye candy, unsolicited advice (from me), bad hair days, good/bad fashion sense, etc.

The one thing i can say for sure is that i wont get bored with you lot even as i make new friends here. Hopefully they'll get to know me a little bit better with each passing day and i pass muster. Even when i may come across as abrupt, its coming from love. I promise.

I love you especially when it doesn't seem like it.