all grown

Oh dear i think i'm all grown up now.

The clubbing scene ain't doing much for me anymore. The excitement of a plot to heng is gone. I really don't see the point of paying a cover charge just so i can sit and listen to music and watch young girls gyrating to the sounds of Soulja Boi/Boy singing Crank That or is Dat. Giving their own version of soft porn.
I'm content enough with going to the pub. Discovering new pubs to drink in and good company is the height of my excitement. How boring is that.

I've also turned into my mum. I love my cup of tea or as the English call it, cuppa. Cockney call it rosie lee. When i'm tired nothing does it like a cuppa. After taking a shower, in the evening i sit in front of the telly in my dressing gown with rosie lee. After a meal i reach for a fag and a nice cup of tea. Nothing does it better than tea while having a girlie chat on the phone. If i'm cold, stressed, content, hangied. The list is endless.

Nothing beats a cuppa when blog horing.

consider yourself warned

politics, shpolitics my arse

So had my girlie drink which was long overdue. It was a case of, "Ok last drink then we've got to go", "Ok last round". That lasted 4hrs. 4 short hours. It was well worth suffering today at work. I think these things should not be held out for so long cos that's when you end up staying longer than is sensible. Trying to catch up on the last few months. Nuff said.

This has really got my back up. Talk about spin doctoring. A black soldier wounded at war, Prince Harry makes a fuss. Abracadabra and who's the daddy.... headlines. I commend the soldier for "believing" in something so passionately he's willing to give his life, but i wonder, was the fuss genuine or was it about spinning?

This was how i broke it down; young black soldier wounded at war, he takes the same flight home as Prince Harry, Harry gets home and the spin doctors tell him this is a great angle to work, visit him in hospital, make a big fuss about him being your hero and voila HEADLINES. How many have died? How many have been wounded? Why am i supposed to care about him more than the others? What about the ones who've been back shafted bila KY jelly? Are they less important? How come they didn't make it onto the news, every last one?

There is a reason why i don't bother with politics. It's always about working an angle and assuming the general public has the IQ level below that of an average house plant. So when people get into a heated argument about politics, i think they need some sense knocked into their so called intellectual brains. Why would anyone of sound mind and body need to sit and discuss the pros and cons of some ego maniacal, bigoted retard?

Don't tell me about it, don't discuss it with me, get your finger out of your arse and do something about it.

something or nothing

Nothing to say/write again. So here i am staring at the screen and wondering about the weather. Isn't that what the British do. If there's nothing to say then talk about the weather, i guess its rubbed off on me.

The sun is threatening to burst through the clouds. I hope it doesn't rain though. I'm meeting my bestest friend for a drink later today. It was her birthday on Friday, but didn't have the fortune/misfortune to be with her on that day. So we're going to catch up today. It's been awhile since i had a proper girls only drink. I'm really looking forward to it.

I love Loose Women for no other reason than Carol_McGiffin. It's a love/hate thing though. In some ways we're so much a like, but when i disagree with her views its so passionate i want to punch the screen. I should probably get a life, but i'm a tv addict.

Totally unrelated news. I'm watching the news and what i'm hearing is horrifying. Man imprisoned daughter in cellar for 24yrs and fathered her 7 children. He kept them hidden in the cellar all that time. The eldest is 19yrs and it was only after she became seriously ill and had to take her into hospital that the story became public.

There. That's me done saying something or nothing.

Strange man

After reading this from kk about supermarkets i've stopped tapping my toes and giving loud audible sighs (like any anybody cares) as i stand in queues in supermarkets. Now i'm paying more attention to what is going on around me with bemusement.

Incident; I'm next in line when the man in front (MI) says to cashier (C):

MI: Excuse me miss did someone attack you on your neck? ~sounding very serious~

C: Ermmm yes ~blushing~

MI: They could have attacked you vigorously. It could even have been a big red bruise.

C: Yes it could have been ~not really enjoying being the butt of the joke~

MI: Maybe next time you should leave your hair down. ~grinning wickedly~

C: Yeah maybe i will ~with a roll of the eyes~

to be or not

With fingers shaking in trepidation i have decided to pay a visit here.

Like a jealous mistress she has taken hold and won't let go. Everywhere i go she is lurking just round the corner. Watching my every move, every little nuance is interpreted to mean that my interest is waning. I had to sneak in here today. So i have to rush before im busted.

To be quite honest im not sure that i even want to be here anymore. Then maybe i would have to admit to myself that i have nothing to say. It is so much easier to blame it on my mojo or lack thereof.

no shit, Einstein.

I got a very interesting email today. I refused the advances of somebody so i was insulted;

"Wewe ni nyee (You're bollocks). That's why you don't have a boyfriend. Think."

I think for some reason this is supposed to give me sleepless nights. All i know is, my gut instinct was right from the off set.

GOOD OLD DAYS

I may be showing my age here but i think i had the best childhood. Was chatting with my pals a while back - post new year's eve alcoholic over indulgence - about the games we played as kids and boy were we creative or what. Not a day went by that you could say you were bored, everyday was an adventure and the world was your oyster.

Remember shake - the best match was when playing a rival gang ( i use this term loosely) the perceived gang was somebody from a different court/estate. Or when we played boys against girls. We'd spend all day playing even taking a lunch break was an issue because unless everyone agreed to it nobody was having lunch and you can forget about a bathroom break that animal didn't exist.

Then there was rounders ( this game was loosely based around baseball) - same rules as above but this was a game of speed, the faster you could run the better then everyone wanted you in there team. And if you could hit hard and far, even better.

Around the the time of the international Safari Rally ( cross country racing with cars) the boys would start making their toy cars using coat hangers, paros flip flops, empty detergent boxes, inner tyre tubes to hold all the bits together, bottle tops for wheels, etc. It was all about creativity. Some were quite good, some were just rubbish and wouldn't make it past the first leg.
But it was the taking part that mattered - at least for the looser. There was also somebody keeping score. This would go on for days on end, or so it seemed to me, being a girl as this was generally a boys game.

There was this other game can't remember the name, but somebody would stand against the wall or pole with their back to everybody and say, "I went to london and i saw...?" What one was supposed to have seen in london, i haven't got a clue.

The plan was to run towards the person as they were reciting this, then stop and pause before they finished. Then said person would come around carefully checking them out. If you so much as moved or laughed, you had to go to the front. And so and so forth until the last person. Who would have to "cut" the link then give chase and try and tag someone. If tagged, you were it.

These are just but a few of the games we played.

Then we moved to the teenage years. Ah the shit we got into with our parents due to our misadventures. You could easily have sold your soul to the devil just to be able to go clubbing.

I know you remember the thrashing/telling off you got the next day because:

You wrote off the new car

Of that household item you sold so you could have money to go out

You rolled in early hours of the morning off your face

The money you nicked off your dad's wallet and you've been found out.

The hustling involved cos you wanted, no, needed money to heng

You didn't come home for three days cos you've been off your face

You thought you were more clever than your parents and lied about where you were going. I think there were a bit too many farewell parties.

And just because they could. I think that's self explanatory

My pal told me the bro once travelled all the way to shags and sold the
price cow. What madness.

Some people were quite enterprising; they started some kind of business - i know someone who'd borrow movies from the video library, then sell them on to his aunt who had a video library as well.lol This only happened when he wanted to go clubbing.

its a rant

When will we ever get away from stereotyping. I know i'm guilty of it in more ways than i care to think about. If you're of a sunny, sweet, cute, butter wouldn't melt in your mouth kind of disposition i'd advice you not to read any further. Consider yourself warned.

Somebody sees a bit of Crash the movie. A few black men arguing, talking "black" so they dismiss it as a "black" movie and they aren't going to watch it. Come back later and they see a Hispanic older man holding a gun to younger Hispanic man demanding his money back. Hence not a movie worthy of their intellectual mind.

A few choice words came to mind. Bollocks, bloody bollocks you bloody twat, ignorant injittit, fucktard. Get out of my face before i smash your fucking teeth in cunt. Seriously who the fuck does this cunt think she is. There; i now feel all nice and warm inside. Now where is that cup of hot chocolate i made earlier. Prick!!!!!

I know there are "black" movies out there that celebrate that kind of thug life so she was kind of justified in what she said, but i'm still not happy. This movie isn't about that at all rather it just points out what society has become and how we judge people due to race, creed, gender, sexual orientation, wealth or lack thereof, education, etc.

Makes you wonder

Apparently its a good thing to try and improve yourself. So where else would i go online other than on Wikipedia. I don't really know how this will improve my life but it sure helped me forget and relieve the despondency i was feeling.

I found the this and couldn't help but laugh, especially about Aeschylus a Greek playwright who was hit by a tortoise that fell from the sky. Ya i know, you're probably wondering how that happened. Apparently an eagle mistook his bald head for a stone. Oh, the tortoise lived to tell the tale. I wonder how his eulogy read. Death by eagle via tortoise?

I almost gave myself a headache trying to figure this out. I maybe wrong, but i think it's what i call scarcasm. Somehow someone has managed to make a living out of it and called it philosophy. I think maybe im wasting my time in my chosen job. Seriously. think about it why bother when you could easily pick anything from the blue write something convoluted and voila your rolling in it.

no thank you - not for me

I had what some would call a very interesting weekend away, but i would prefer to call it odd.

Thing is i used to live in a small town when i first came to UK and this just served to remind me why i prefer the anonymity of a big town. For one you can get lost in the crowd and nobody gives a toss about you other than if you hold up the queue at the local supermarket at rush hour. That's when you get glares that could fall the titanic in nanoseconds.

In a small town, especially if you're just visiting, you get strange looks from the women as they size you up and then criticise (overheard) then they proceed to analyse if you're friend or foe. The men give you the once over as they contemplate their chances with the new bait in town. All this is done before any kind of "formal" introductions are made. I avoided this like the plague and if i couldn't, i would say my hellos then proceed to be fascinated by the wallpaper. Hence coming across as cold and uninviting. Mission accomplished(yippee).

That said you do have the odd comedian who manages to have you on the floor, cracking a rib with laughter.

He sold his shamba for bride price to my father, i birthed his daughter, we left for Kenya where he loved me for eternity like i'd never been loved before. Shame the man couldn't stay upright long enough to fulfill his promises. He had over-indulged in the jeremiah waters (thoroughly intoxicated).

VIEWERS BEWARE - TAYE DIGGS

Now that he's a permanent resident here i can sleep easy at night.

GIVE ME STRENGTH

I think i'm joining antipop in her list of losers. This guy is introduced to my friend you know one of those things (maybe you guys might hit it off) kinda tricky sort of things. Anyways never got the nitty gritty of it cos quite honestly can't be bothered right now with anyone but myself.
Did that make sense? I hope so.

Sometime later jamaa supposedly saw a photo of me in her album and now wants to be introduced to me. But when my pal told me about him she conveniently forgot to mention the part about her liking him. This i find out later. I'm not a happy bunny.

By the time she decides that bit of information is crucial the guy has already asked for my number, but he's given my email as per my instructions. I don't give out my phone no. to anyone until you've passed my sanity test whether male/female. I'll blog about it soon.

Shortly thereafter he emails me with his phone no. so that i can call him, which i proceed to ignore and try and chat to him on line. He says he doesn't like that and i tell him i don't give out my no. willy nilly. Stupid guy then calls my pal call asking for my no. but she knows not to dare risk her life and limb. There'd be only one end result - her dead, me doing 10 to 20.
___________________________________________

A few months ago i ran into an ex from yonder years. Not someone i particularly cared to see again for as long as i lived and drew breath. Anyway my mother taught the importance of social etiquette, so i said hello and tried to make small talk which i abhor. Ex kept trying to reminisce, i tried to play dumb. When he realised i wasn't playing along (took him all of 20min stupid man) he decided he was going to apologise for past transgressions which i took as a sign of maturity. So for the first time i actually gave him a genuine smile, but lo and behold this was just to soften me up.

Then he said wanted us to go back to mine, for what, only the good Lord knows cos after that, all he got was a cold stare. The man is now married with kids and he knows i know this. I feel for her cos he hasn't changed almost 10yrs later.

I didn't put up with it then, so why would he think that i would now. With age comes wisdom. I wish i was a black belt - would have whooped his ass into next week.

ME, WARTS AND ALL

Got the heading for my post then went blank.................. aiiiiiiii this is not fun. Aki val i'm not sure if im loving you right now. Anyway here goes nothing:

The rules
Link to the person who tagged you .
Post the rules on your blog.
Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
Tag six random people at the end of your blog by linking to their blogs.
Let each random person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

My and my hair don't really care for each other that much. It's a love/hate relationship. More love from me, but don't listen sweetie i'm only telling them what they want to hear. You know i love you really.

I'll prostitute myself to anyone as long as they cook for me. I hate anything that has to do with the kitchen - cooking, washing up, etc

I'm a bit OCD. Nothing serious, but if i was to have mental breakdown that would be it.

I'm a bottom presser, toothpaste i.e. Can't bear it when someone presses my toothpaste at the bottom or middle. Drives me insane. But i feel gleefully naughty when staying over at someone's and i middle press. Go figure.

I'm not good at keeping in touch with people. If i don't see you for more than 2 month, then don't be expecting me to call you. I don't seem to have a valid reason for not calling other than i don't have anything to talk about. I abhor small talk.

I'm one of those annoying know-it-alls. A jack of all trades but a master of none. I always seem to have an opinion about something or nothing. I'm hardly ever wrong, atleast in my opinion.

I'm not a people person. Seriously, i don't like people especially strangers who want to make small talk. If it wasn't for my best friend i wouldn't have people i know.

Ok that was 7, but who's counting.
Whom to tag is the big 'un
antipop
tandra
sybella
cherie
MrB2B
~beth

don't mess with me

I dare you to laugh.

BRITAIN'S GULAG: BRUTAL END OF EMPIRE IN KENYA BY CAROLINE ELKINS

I read this book last year and had put it away and forgot about it. Stumbled upon it by accident in my so called home library. Its quite a heavy read and not for the faint hearted or those who choose to leave in denial.



I always thought the Kenyan education system is faulty but having read this book, i now know the history i was taught about my country is full of half baked lies and truths. The imperialists were made out to be sometime bad people, maybe a bit confused and disorganised in their bid to civilise us savages, but somehow their hearts were always in the right place. At least that's the message I got.



After the 1st few chapters, i remember calling my then boyfriend (he'd recommended it) and asking, "what the fuck is this?" After a prolonged silence he asked, "what's wrong?" Thinking back he probably thought he'd erred against me and was in for some bollocking. lol. Poor 'chap' he never did like confrontations and i can be quite hot tempered and opinionated (sometimes), well maybe most of the time as he'd most likely point out. Anyhoo i digress.



What i was reading had nothing whatsoever to do with what i thought i knew about Kenyan history. Quite the opposite actually. The Mau Mau were just fighting for what is/was rightly ours and were not the evils they were made out to be. Yes they took mumu (blood oath) which simply meant that they pledged their allegiance and death was a small price to pay. No they did not go around hacking people to death willy nilly because they were on some drug induced euphoria. Anyway won't bore you with nitty gritty but here's an excerpt from the back cover;



Britain fought in the 2nd world war to save the world from fascism. But just a few years after the defeat Hitler came the mau mau uprising in Kenya - a mass armed rebellion by the Kikuyu people, demanding the return of their land and freedom. The draconian response Of Britain's colonial govt. was to detain nearly the entire Kikuyu population, nearly 1.5 million, in camps or villages ringed with barbed wire and portray them as sub-human savages.



From 1952 to 1960 possibly over 100 thousand people died from the combined effect of exhaustion, disease, starvation and systematic physical brutality.



Until now these events have remained untold, largely because the British govt. in Kenya destroyed most of the files. For the last 8yrs Elkins has conducted exhaustive research to piece together the story, unearthing reams of documents and interviewing several hundred Kikuyu survivors.



Britain's Gulag reveals what happened inside Kenya's detention camps, as well as the efforts to conceal the truth. Now, for the first time, we can understand the full savagery of the Mau Mau war and the ruthless determination with which Britain sought to control its regime.

NOT FIT FOR HUMAN INTERRACTION

About a week ago i was meeting a friend i hadn't seen for quite sometime. So me being me, I couldn't quite get out of bed on time. You see I'm not a morning person, so if i don't have to go to work nothing short of a house fire will get me out of bed before 11 am. Its a physical impossibility. When going to work i set my alarm for half 8 which gives me enough time for at least a fag and a half before i stumble out of bed and into the kitchen to put the kettle on for a cup of tea. Then another fag with my cuppa while my brain jump starts. Then, and only then do i consider myself half human.

Problem is i was meeting her at half 12. She had all these crazy ideas about doing an early lunch, then off to fuck knows where for window shopping. Apparently she's redecorating her pad and I'm supposed to care. Why? I haven't the foggiest. Anyway I'd been putting it off for so long that had to grab the bull by the horns.

As you can imagine was already stroppy from lack of my non routine on my day off work, no breakfast, not enough nicotine (smoking ban) so cant just be smoking ovyo ovyo. So get to her end and call her from the station so she can pick me up. As I'm standing with a half glazed looked in my eyes i notice a man across the road holding a camera pointing it in my general direction. Then i see a light flash.......................

Look around me and there's nobody else about. Its below freezing so nobody is wandering around passing the time of day. I calmly cross the road to confront the dude. At this moment in time i don't care if its whatshisname Mike Tyson, i want my pound of flesh and maybe an explanation later if he's lucky. I have at this point meta-morphed into Mohammed Ali in his heydays. I am floating like a butterfly and by the time i get to the other side I'm definitely stinging like a bee.

Well that was the general idea, but half way i loose my nerve and start questioning my sanity. Maybe I'm whathisname Tyson and he's Ali and that's not going to be a pretty picture, for me anyway. So feigning calmness and general British politeness i quietly ask if he's just taken a picture of me. He gives me a blank look to which i explain i was standing across the road and blah blah blah.

The guy cracks up and explains he's from some sort of department with the southeast trains and he was taking a picture of the train station which is due for refurbishments or some shit like that and proceeds to show me his badge. This is when i notice the company van and uniform he's wearing. After that, all i remember is the embarrassment i felt and trying to laugh it off saying there are so many perverts about these days and that one can never be too careful. Then slowly slink off to wait for my pal whom i never said a word to about it.

on my deathbed

I think im nearing my final days. Everything hurts - literally. The only bit that isn't in pain is my hair. Which is a pity seeing as that is the only part of me that i wouldn't mind hacking off with a pair of blunt scissors.

I suspect the flu but haven't bothered to see my GP. He is what i would politely refer to as an asshole. Arrogant, little shit!!! I think i feel better already after venting. Been self medicating for the last 2 days, but the relief is temporary. Will probably go to A&E and wait it out. With any luck i'll pass out at the reception so i wont have to wait all day to see a doctor. If you live in UK you know what im talking about.

Let me entertain you with a list of my symptoms:
- swollen tonsils
-headache
-sore neck
-backache
-stomachache
-arm and thigh muscles ache
-wrist, elbow, knee joints ache
-loss of appetite (3 days and counting, but may be my weight loss programme)
-cold sweats

Enough said. As you can tell im having a ball. Maybe i'll come back and write my eulogy, you know, get my affairs in order. I've always wanted to say that.

SAINT VALENTINE'S DAY

Its here. Again!!!!!!! Ah the butterflies in my stomach are doing somersaults, waiting in anticipation. What will he get me this time? Flowers, a card, jewelery, maybe a gratuitous weekend away in the country, a holiday cruise maybe? Luck would be a fine thing.

Forgot to mention i would need someone of the male persuasion for any of these to be a possibility. Preferably Colin Farrell. I am allowed to daydream aren't i? I would have said George Clooney/Brad Pitt, but personally i think they're both overrated.

Why do we need a day set aside so that someone can declare their undying love for me, to tell me that life is not worth living without me, i am their reason for being, their everything. This declarations would probably have me rolling on the floor laughing uncontrollably. What a load of tosh.

If you care that much you should know its the little, everyday things that count. Like taking out the rubbish when its pissing down, waking me up on Sunday morning with the sweet aroma of breakfast, letting me be when i'm premenstrual. When i say i have a headache, just choose to believe me once in a while and make a fuss over me. Yes! Then i'll know you love me, i am your reason for being and don't worry darling i will definitely return the favour.

Ok now we can get back down to planet earth. More often than not, this will only happen in the lead upto/on valentine's day or your birthday or said culprit has been caught up in an indiscretion of gigantic proportions and is trying to make up for it (read tongue in cheek).

So this valentine's me, myself and i are going for retail therapy and celebrate single life. You know what i mean, we can go out all night and drink until the cows come. Not because we have to, but rather because we can. We won't have to take anyone into consideration, we don't have to stress about what present to get or whether its good enough. Whatever present i get myself will be the best i can cos, who knows me better than myself really?

So single peeps out there go out and celebrate your love for yourself.

CAN'T LIVE WITH THEM CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT THEM

As i'm sure you've noticed i've changed my layout. I think this one is much better than the previous one which looked cluttered and messy and the writing is much more legible now.

With time im sure i'll get bored with this one but not for a long while (i hope). Sometimes i tend to have the attention span of a housefly - that is one of my downfalls plus the tendency to speak before i think.

I'm sure i've been hurtful to some dear friends. There was no ill will intended, thank you for your continued patience and may God grant you continued patience to put up with me now and into infinity. For if you still want me for a friend after a few years then i'll be in your life for a long time to come. lol. I can see the grimace on your face. That's right i ain't going nowhere so deal with it. So brace yourself, buckle up and enjoy the ride because its bound to be a bit bumpy.

There'll be tears, laughter, the odd disagreement, children, lovers come and gone, heartbreaks, food (you cooking for me i.e), alcohol aplenty, that new joint we'll discover together, alot of eye candy, unsolicited advice (from me), bad hair days, good/bad fashion sense, etc.

The one thing i can say for sure is that i wont get bored with you lot even as i make new friends here. Hopefully they'll get to know me a little bit better with each passing day and i pass muster. Even when i may come across as abrupt, its coming from love. I promise.

I love you especially when it doesn't seem like it.